Musings of a mother of many
My fingers fumble over the keys now, straining to find their way again. They’ve lost that effortless feeling of gliding over the keyboard as they did before.
Just like my body lost its strength and my mind its memory of the summer months.
The doctors didn’t tell me that.
They didn’t tell me how much I would lose, […] Read more…
I can still feel the pain of all of it. I can feel my muscles ache and swell from the disease. I remember every time I’ve fallen throughout the years because my core muscles and hips and thighs are so weak. I feel the smashing onto the ground and feel the pain of every hit. I feel the childhood embarrassment of not being the same as everyone else. My right femur still aches when it rains or the weather changes, a deep bone pain that I can’t reach and somehow still feels as though my leg is crying out for the pieces the doctors took out, for it’s lost parts. My legs are thick and heavy from the disease. I try hard to walk straight and strong so no one sees the weakness and pain within me. Read more…
To All of My Precious Children,
Time has such an insidious way of changing things.
Somehow as I reflect here in this crepuscule and obscure hamlet I’ve found myself in, my mind transcends time and space. It erases the years between, and all at once I hold each one of you in my arms, my infants and […] Read more…
My sister posted this photo on her wall today, and I thought that’s it. That’s exactly it.
There are so many voices within me that won’t be silenced tonight.
I can’t do what most of America believes is exactly what I should do.
The Dr’s office called and scheduled my surgery tentatively for June 26, but in my […] Read more…
I joined a couple of Breast Cancer support groups yesterday.
It was very sobering for me. I shared the type of breast cancer I have and the size of the masses.
Call me naive, but somehow I’ve been believing that this bilateral mastectomy that is moving in on me like the tide rises on the shores […] Read more…
Words flood my mind now, so many words, words I knew before and words I didn’t.
The old words have taken on new meaning. They hover in the forefront of my consciousness, in that elusive place inside myself where feelings run rampant like unrestrained children, heightening my awareness of all of life, the good bits and […] Read more…
The treatment of Maddi by Mr Hobbs wreaks of the purtitanistic legalism that Hester Prynne endured in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. Have we learned no more about love all these years later? This is the type of behavior that gives Jesus and those who follow Him a bad name. Nothing about this is like Jesus. Of course the world believes we are hypocrites when decisions like this are made. Read more…
Today is my birthday, and on it, amidst the business of caring for a family of 13, I begin a new journey.
It’s not a journey I ever thought I’d have to take.
Yet it is one God has allowed into my life for a reason.
And I begin this path willingly and in confidence that God will […] Read more…
“Who is Jesus?” She types in the translator only two weeks home from China.
Her brand new daddy looks at me with eyes open wide, big and filled with the endless blue of the sea. For this moment we’ve prayed. He types into the computer screen, “He is the Son of God.”
My heart pauses, gallops in […] Read more…
As I’ve reflected this week on what miracle I would share with you today, I decided to travel back to my childhood and share another moment when God miraculously changed the course of my life.
My mind drifts back to the child that I was.
Sometimes, in that tiny space between consciousness and sleep, I can even […] Read more…
