As many of you know, we are a home schooling family. At the moment, we are in our end of summer rambunctious stage where the many long days of summer have kind of strung together, and the children are all settled into their lazy crazy summer routines.
In other words, we are all ready for some structure. Needless to say, we are about to fly off to China for our two newest blessings, and the kids are all looking forward to a few weeks with their grandparents. So, although they may be ready for the structure of our school days, I don’t have it together on that front yet.
I’m a little concerned about arriving home with the girls who have lived ALL of their lives within the structured confines of the orphanage. My kids will be thrilled to have the girls here,and I am sure will overwhelm their newest siblings with their love and with many suggestions for play and fun.
But, what should I plan for those early days at home? I’m sure within a few weeks of getting home, we will begin school, but what ideas can you give me about structuring the early days?
Should we plan some day trips? Or should we just plan to be home, play some games together, make the meals, and get to know each other? Will too much idle time make it more difficult on the girls?
What do you think?
Or perhaps, I should just let it all happen, and evaluate the needs as we go along?
This is one of those posts I am really hoping to get some comments on!
Blessings!
Home. Play to stay at home and get to know each other. At first all is fun, then at some point there is grieving to do, both from those adopted and those who are bio, so you just never know how that will work out.
Most adoption books say make no plans for the first month home. Our first adoption needed longer than a month, second was good to go. Personalities are so different!
So make no plans, and wing it from there. I know you will be really anxious to show the girls off. but let them take the lead on that….see what happens.
Thank you, Leslee!
That sounds like a great baseline!
Thanks so much!
Diane
The thing I remember most is keeping it simpe, meaning normal family routine so they know WHAT to expect and WHERE home is…not a lot of going places, and keep visitors to a minimum, at least for a while. These kids can think they’ll be leaving AGAIN with too much coming and going of different people. Also, it takes a while after you get home just to get rid of the jet lag and not be awake at normal sleeping times. With PRAYER, lots of LOVE and PATIENCE, you’ll be fine 🙂 You’ll definitely be covered in prayer during this time of transition. Kids are all so different, as you already know! Some are just easier to manage 🙂 I pray this is the case with your new daughters 🙂
Thank you, Debbie!
You never know, it from what I can gather they are both as sweet as sugar!!!! I may be a bit bias though. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
Diane
I agree about the staying home and establishing a routine. Some simPle pleasures close to home were fun though too : going to the grocery store, the mall. Going to a movie at the dollar theatre. We did an overnight with friends about a month after coming home and she did ok but had to keep asking when we were going home.
Hi Karen,
We are almost there!!!! Can you believe it?
With a big family, there is always something to do! I’m sure we won’t be bored!
Blessings!
Diane
Stay home . . . but with structure.
I would definitely have the bio. kids on a “modified” school schedule, because you really will need some structure to your days.
I would NOT take the girls . . . to the store . . . to the mall . . . to the theater. Oh.my.no. Our kids came home with the idea that America is paved with gold, and had huge expectations of getting everything they wanted. Seriously. While we were in Ghana, our kids told us, “When we get to America I want a computer, a cell phone, toys that talk, etc …” Our kids didn’t go to the mall or W*l-Mart for over a year after coming home.
Short trips to the park, and such, would probably be fun, though.
Seeing your older kids in their “school routine” will help to show the girls what life is like at your house . . . rather than having them think that every day in America is a “play day”.
Hope this helps.
Laurel 🙂
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Hi Laurel,
I know you are so right about the structure! And you know what? That is where I struggle. I am such a free spirit! I’ll be praying about that and working on a plan while in China!
Thank you!
Diane
I’m more of a free spirit, too . . . and “flexible” is my middle name. 🙂 However . . . with much experience . . . I know that kids do best with some structure and routine (especially new kids from another country joining a large family).
🙂 🙂 🙂
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I’d definitely stay home. There will be SO much change and the confines of home will be enough for the start. But I’d also say lots of structure at home too with a very regular routine. Eating meals at the same time, same chores, same bedtime routines and beds, and rooms… (maybe explain this to kiddos at home ahead of time.) Routine and structure and even rules helps kiddos feel safe and that’s probably one thing your new daughters will be craving.
nancy
Hi Nancy!
Thanks for sharing your wisdom! Yep, I’ve got to work on that structure! I struggle with that with my big free spirited teens, but I know children thrive with structure and routine. That will be my goal, then. Stay home, work on structure and routine, and LOVE MY BLESSINGS! 🙂
Thank you!
Diane
Our adoption didn’t go through, so I don’t have experience with this per se, but my understanding is that there is huge value to developing routines. Granted, in what I’ve observed, it can be very detrimental to take in children and then demand they fit into the family mold you’d already established. This would be the time to develop a new routine that meets their needs as well as the needs of everyone already in the home. That tricky transition seems like a good enough reason to take it easy initially. However, I would say that if things just get to be too much, heading out for an afternoon or whatever may be just what everyone needs to decompress.
My two cents.
~Luke
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Hi Luke,
Thank you for your comment, and for sharing your thoughts. I think a new routine will be in order too, since we’ll have two new family members!
Blessings!
Diane
FIrst of allFIrst of all , sorry for my bad english.
Well i will suggest, stay at home and teach them family routines, make sure to spend time with them and each of your children, one by one(Because having nine kids talking to them at the same time and in another language, will overwhelm them), and i know that there will be so many people who will want to get to know the girls, but it’s not a good idea to have visits, Why ?? Well because they need to get to know their Mom, Dad, sisters and brothers first, learn that they can trust you.They have to learn the difference between “FAMILY” and “FRIENDS and OTHER PEOPLE”, the difference between “HOME” and “OTHER PLACES”. They would miss everys little pice of China, the smell , food and their caregivers, so having extra ingredient won’t be good for the adaptation process.
Thank you for saying YES to The Lord and His calling!!! Thank you for let us be part of this beautiful journey to your daughters, they were meant to be yours.
Love ,Aury Rodriguez , sorry for my bad englins I will suggest “NO VISIT”
Thank you, Aury!
There will, indeed, be so many new experiences, and a loss of everything familiar. We just want to make their adjustments as easy as possible.
and I think your English is fabulous! It is far better than my French or Mandarin!
Blessings!
Diane
just wanted to say i just met your husband yesterday and he told me you guys amazing story. it will all work out as God is in charge of this whole thing. now to the answer to your question about what to do when the girls come..i say just chill with the family and let everybody get to know each other and maybe in about a month have a big party for the girls and invite the church and the neighbors so that everybody can met the girls., but the one thing you have to remember is not to put too much attention on the new girls as you have 9 other children and we all know how sometimes kids can get a little envy of the new girls. i hope your husband was able to find gifts for the men as i didnt have anything in the store for him but i so enjoyed him coming in my store and sharing this wonderful story, its so nice to see that there are still people out here that believe i mean truly believe in God. im praying for you guys but i know its already done.
Hi Wendy,
I’m so glad you got the chance to see my sweet man and hear this WONDEFUL God story!
He places the lonely in the families, and we are so blessed to used for His glory!
Thanks for commenting and sharing your thoughts!
Blessings!
Diane