Today I thought I would share a little about the girl’s ability to show and receive affection. So much is said in the adoption community about attachment and the fear that older children will not have the ability to bond with their new parents. We are only days into this journey with our girls, but I thought I would share what we are seeing right now.
Eliza craves affection from me. As soon as we leave our room and walk into the corridor of our hotel, her hand reaches for mine, and she is content to hold it until we arrive at our destination. She wants to sit next to me. If I lay on the bed, she immediately comes over to lay with me. I rub her back and her arms and legs, and she smiles with a joy that fills her whole face.
I think she has craved a mother’s love for so long. She seems, at the moment, quite willing to obey as well. Sometimes she will say no to me, but when I say, “Yes”, she accepts it and obeys.
Eliza was abandoned as an infant, and she has spent her entire life in an orphanage. I do see some institutional behavior. She looks at the floor when she walks, with her head down, and seems to need things to happen at a regular time. We were in the room one day at noon, and she kept pointing to the clock and then to her mouth to tell me it was time to eat. If Mark wears his shoes in the room, she points and indicates that he needs to take his shoes off.
Evangeline, on the other hand, lived with her family until she was four. There is a security about her that is noticeable. She is completely comfortable with affection, but does not seem to need it so desperately as Eliza does. She snuggles up to me in bed, but seems much more comfortable and independent.
Both of the girls enjoy Mark and his humor, but don’t seem comfortable with too much affection from him. I’m not sure if that’s a cultural thing, or if it will just take a little more time for that.
We are off to breakfast and medical appointments this am. When the children are 10 years or older, there is a mandate form the States that they must have the immunizations. Please pray that they do okay with them and do not need too many. I guess they test them, and if they do not show antibodies to any of the diseases, they are given many shots at one time. That is concerning to us, but we have to leave it to God. It is out of our hands.
I’ll try to post some pictures tonight!
Blessings!
Both my Emily and my friends older daughter wanted a lot of physical reassurance, especially at first. I call it wanting to “absorb my essence “!!! My friends older daughter wanted this too even at 15 yrs old ! I would visit and she would stand right next to her mom, hugging her as if she were a much younger child. The first six weeks were the most intense with this need for her. My Emily , now home a year, is just now getting cOmfortable with me being in another room. Last week she played Legos in her room by herself for over half an hour !
Eventually she will feel secure enough but it may take awhile. It can get a bit challenging when there are other kids who also want attention.
As I am sure you know, this is a totally good sign ! Not all older adoptees have the open hearts your girls are showing. Hope the shots went OK !
I am so thankful that you are together and that the girls are doing so well. I continue to pray for all the adjustments, loss, etc. Jubilee is still “my shadow” and she has been home 2.5 years. The other day I was putting my purse away and was carrying it to where I store it and she said, “Mom, where you going?” She doesn’t like me to go too far from her. Only God’s grace that she made it through the 7.5 weeks we were in China bringing Ruby home last fall. Bless you all. xo
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The way you describe the girls with Mark sound like our Jun with my husband. She was very clingy with me and would show me lots of affection. When he arrived one week into the China trip she would laugh at him and feed him snacks, but was very hesitant to let him show her affection. Well, she is completely daddy’s girl now! It sounds like you are doing an amazing job being respectful of their differences and needs. I hope you’re staying safe with all the chaos going on in China right now. I’m praying for you!
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