I’ve been told a thousand times that bonding is a process, but somehow yesterday it really sunk into the nooks and crannies of my brain. I think I finally gave myself some grace. I finally accepted the fact there will be good days and bad days, good moments and bad.
There will be moments I do everything right, and moments I don’t.
There will be moments when the wonderful feelings overwhelm me and I am in love with our new life, and there will be moments when the difficulties overwhelm me and the problems weigh so heavily that I can only lay them at the feet of my Heavenly Father, just like I did before we brought the girls home.
Relationships take time. They ebb and flow. As we have trusted God for our family size, I’ve come to see that relationships with our biological children require work too. Sometimes it’s easy, and the feel good feelings consume me, and sometimes I must pray for wisdom and compassion. I must look deeper for understanding, and to God for wisdom and grace to love unconditionally.
And it’s okay.
Friday was a difficult day with the girls. They were angry with me for not allowing them time on the computer. I typed in the translator, “There will be time for that later. Right now I want to get to know you.”
That was clearly not what they had in mind.
But yesterday was a good day.
Eliza really showed improvement. She smiled at me in the morning, interacted with her brothers and sisters, and just seemed so much more comfortable here.
We decided to take the girls to Walmart with us in the afternoon. Eliza just grinned through the entire store. She helped us look for things and pointed out things that caught her interest.
On the way home we had to stop at the grocery store, and just a few of the kids ran in with Mark. Eliza was one of them. She was so happy and animated that she actually skipped into the store beside her father. In the evening, our little Pomeranians got out of their little dog walk, and she went outside with Mark and helped Mark get the dogs back in.
I had an upset stomach last night, and had to go upstairs and lie down before all the kids were in bed. She came in to look for me. She came in to look for me! I motioned to her that my stomach was upset, and she went downstairs and told Mark that I was sick.
A little while later, she came in carrying the book of Bible stories I always read to the children before they go to bed. Oh my goodness! She’s been paying attention to what I’ve been doing behind those blank eyes!
I told her Daddy would read the book tonight, and she shook her head to indicate that was okay.
I know this may all seem so simplistic and uneventful, but to me it is really remarkable and shows great progress.
Evangeline has pulled away from me a little. She still seems happy, and is interacting with the other children, but seems to be opening up to Mark a bit more than she had before. I feel like these are good signs that she is adjusting and feeling more comfortable with me.
With each new experience we share, we are building a history together.
We have six sons and five daughters. We are all in varying stages of development and connectedness. We are growing and fluid and always changing.
We’re moving forward, together.
We are a family!
…and so incredibly blessed!
Blessings All!
That is so awesome Diane ! She was worried about you. This is huge !
It is huge! 🙂
So glad you are seeing these encouraging steps of progress! You’re right; it is a process. Kind of like a dance. Praying for you!
Rebekah Hixon–Lifeline family
It is like a dance, choreographed by our Heavenly Father. 🙂
Yes! You so want things just to all be there every single day but you said it all. The sooner the adopting parent gets a grip on that the easier it gets. We have had Myka home 3 1/2 and the girls 1 1/2 years. Even new things will pop up. In many ways it is sometimes like they came home yesterday. There are so many moments of joy and victory though. So many times where you have to hold your Father’s hand a little tighter and in that alone it is a very wonderful thing. It is fun to hear about those precious moments. I had a pretty good day yesterday with all 3 of mine on a big tour day. In spite of them being just plain KIDS, we did well. 🙂
Tours days are overwhelming for me with our biological kids!!! You’re doing great!
So very thankful! Answers to prayers and we are going to keep them coming…all of us who read, I’m certain. So you can expect more and more….
Today in Sunday School class I talked about the amount of time ,thought,and prayer you spent in deciding to bring the girls home and how God opened the door for you. Remember HE never promised us a rose garden but that HE would never leave us and would not not try us more than we could endure.Many of his people are praying that the bonding process comes quickly and smoothly. We love you all.
Thank you! We love you too!
Stacey, please do keep the prayers coming! We sure do appreciate them!
I just wanted to say that I’ve been following your blog for a few weeks and look forward to your updates each day! These girls are so blessed to have you as parents, and I think you’re right on in your assessment of needing to give yourself grace and the ebb and flow of relationships with everyone over time!
Thank you so much for your encouragement, Joanie. I can’t tell you how much your support blesses us!