I’m sitting outside Eliza’s bedroom folding clothes. She is inside with the door closed. I like open doors, but this is not a battle I will fight today.
I need to go downstairs to fix lunch, but the children are happy playing, and I don’t want to leave Eliza.
She is on the other side of the door playing with a tiny little doll. Last time I knocked and went in, she darted out as soon as I came in, but I could see the little doll snugly covered next to her pillow.
Today I am overwhelmed with emotion. I long to cradle this big girl without a childhood in my arms, to rock away the years she has lost, to love away the sadness and loneliness.
I long for her to let me in.
This is the first time I have seen her playing with anything. This precious child has no idea how to play. She’s like a tiny baby bird just barely finding her way.
How I long to join her in her play, to dress and rock the dolls with her, to push my way inside her walled world, but I fear I would only push her further away.
Oh, how I pray she feels my love from afar.
Can she see my tender glances filled with all the love she has ever craved? Does she know the ache in my throat that almost chokes me when she turns away from me, carrying her heavy load all alone?
Does she know I’ll wait forever if I have to?
Will she ever let me love her?
She will let you in, Diane! She will! And then she’ll crave and need you so much you’ll feel smothered. 😉 It’s all part of the process. You’re doing GREAT and I know she’s going to do great, too, given some time.
Selina Bergey recently posted..Parenting with Grace, Part 1
Thanks Selina! I know we’ll get there. Sometimes I just feel so sad for her.
Hang in there- I know you will. I just imagine how strange and scary this is for her after the routine and- in one sense- independence without much expectation to love or give love she was probably used to. I agree with Selina, the time will come when you will find it hard to give all the attention she seems to need.
Thank you, Sharon. I know you’re right!
It’s wonderful to think she is comfortable enough now to play..even with the door shut. ☺
That’s what I was thinking, Karen. It’s a good sign.
Diane, I see that you saw Robin Magana’s story about Lili. I have heard stories like this from others. It is to be expected for adopted children to put up walls to protect themselves because they do not really believe they will stay forever. You are in for a Long Journey. But it will be worth it. May God Bless Y’all and Give you wisdom and strength to be able to give this child the Help and the Love that she will need in the coming days and weeks and even months. When she figures out that you are not going to leave or abandon her or send her back to China, then she will trust and love and share her life with you. We all have learned your story and share in your Love and Heartbreak. Many Prayers are headed your way.
Thank you, Papa G!
You are so right! I even see improvement today! 🙂
Incredible that she is playing with a doll, such a good sign. She’s opening her heart (behind closed doors) to a doll to love and hold and nurture it. So healing! I know you know this, but as her sense of safety grows she will let you in…literally. Ping had to be taught how to play dolls….and once she got it….she would play-act the most precious and sometimes heartwrenching moments with those dolls.
Praying on the sidelines during this season in her life is profound, you are an amazing mom! Thankyou for being there for her, contending for her. Such a display of Christ’s love for us….
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Thank you, Roberta!
Your encouragement means so much to me. I do think playing with the doll is so important. 🙂
Even today I’m seeing improvement. I just got a big smile!
Diane … I don’t know Eliza’s history … maybe she never knew a Mother and Father … this is all new territory for her … a big step was with Mark who she obviously loves already. Maybe some time with Mark, Eliza and you together would help ease her confusion. You don’t know her personal history at the orphanage … perhaps she was mistreated by some women workers and this carries over. Perhaps Victoria should be playing a larger role as big sister? Maybe coloring together or taking a walk in the wonderful woods behind your home. This would give her more positive feelings towards femaies. Maybe the two of you going shopping for a new dress or just getting a Big Mack or something like that to start the two of you getting used to each other needs more clearly. She clearly has the ability to love. Mark is an unusual person. I don’t know how but I still believe the two of you need some one on one time, regularly scheduled activities perhaps. Forgive me for interferring, I adore and love you both and that’s all for now, the tears have returned. Much love to you as always. I adore and love you.
Thank you, Aunt Dot!
Love you too!
I don’t know Eliza’s early history, but if she was an orphanage baby, she never (or had very limited) response to her newborn and infant cries. Too many babies. Not enough Nannies. And, so she learned that her needs would not be met when she cried. She learned to keep her feelings/fears/pain/hunger/wetness deep inside. HEART WRENCHING
She may have developed issues with trusting the women who were supposed to meet her baby needs. And, I believe that even teeny, tiny babies carry that neglect deep inside. Adopting a small child can be easier, as it is more “normal” to teach them about unconditional love, because it’s just plain easier and more comfortable to hold a baby or toddler. You have to do more physical care for them, simply because they are little.
I think that size should not be an issue, when it comes to nurturing your child. Both girls will need to learn “how” to be nurtured and how to receive it. Maybe not so much for Evangeline, as she’s had more interactions/experiences in her life. But, I would really consider pushing, oh so gently, pushing some Mama love and care on her. She has NO idea how to ask for it, because she never had it.
Try brushing her hair, along with the other girls hair. Have a Mama-Daughter Night and do a good old foot washing. You know the Spiritual aspect of that, even though E&E don’t. Take turns washing the feet of your daughters. Dry those tender feet and don’t forget in between each toe. : ) Let the girls wash and dry Your feet. Then lotion their feet and legs.
Physical touch is KEY to their bonding. Do you get a chance to tuck them in at night and spend a few minutes in prayer with them? I’m asking, because you have a lot of children to tuck in at night. Perhaps you could have Daddy give them a hug and then you tuck the girls in. Trade weeks, so he can get that special time. There is just a sweet, Holiness in whispering words of love to a sleepy child, clean and sweet smelling fresh from a bath or shower.
Know that my prayers will be spoken to The Healing Father, for the hearts of your children and for a spirit of peace and calm in your home.
Love to you All ~ Jo
Karen J Moseley recently posted..HELP 10 CHILDREN COME HOME!
Okay, so I’m just a little bit freaked out right now! I JUST NOW read the post AFTER this one! Umm… I Believe the Holy Spirit was speaking to my heart as I wrote the comment above this one. The bedtime thing. smile smile smile I LOVE Our God!!
Karen J Moseley recently posted..HELP 10 CHILDREN COME HOME!