You are right, Stacey!
It is tomorrow night, and I am only just now doing a post.
One reason for that is my husband was up all night trying to fix the computer, and I never can sleep until he comes to bed. And now that I am home from the hospital, there just aren’t enough hours in the day. Your comment made me laugh right out loud.
It’s finally quiet, and I do think Eliza wrote those letters to us. She is writing on stationary I gave her, and I recognize those beautiful Chinese characters that took my breath away so many months ago. There Is definitely a lot inside that pretty head of hers that I haven’t yet been privy too.
Perhaps, sweet Eliza is a writer like her Mama.
********
Today I have been overwhelmed with two things.
The first thing that has just consumed my thoughts today is that I share our precious Chinese daughters with another mother, another culture, another country, another life.
When I was going to sleep at night longing for them to be going to sleep under our roof, they were waking up to orphanage brothers and sisters whom they loved. They were eating food and writing Chinese characters and listening to Chinese music, and they longed for me,…or some fantasy of me that they held in their sweet Chinese minds.
That opens the door to the next thought that has consumed me today.
My own inadequacies.
I grow tired. I lose faith. I fall short.
Since we have gotten home from China only three and a half weeks ago, I have been deeply exhausted. And since Evangeline was admitted to the hospital, I have been even more so.
Evangeline looks at me with a sweet smile throughout the day and says, “Mama tired.”
And I wonder.
Did she know her Mama would get tired?
Did she know that sometimes the needs of our large family would overwhelm me?
I am so far from a fantasy. I am real, and warm, and long to love away the years of loneliness that consumed their lives, but I’m no fantasy.
Today I shared this quote on my Facebook wall.
God is looking for imperfect men and women who have learned to walk in moment-by-moment dependence on the Holy Spirit. Christians who have come to terms with their inadequacies, fears, and failures. Believers who have become discontent with ‘surviving’ and have taken the time to investigate everything God has to offer in this life. ~Charles Stanley.
I felt like Stanley was describing me in my desperation to know God, to walk in moment-by-moment dependence on my Savior. And I was struck with the feeling that when we get to the point of moment-by-moment dependence on the Holy Spirit, we are weak, and humbled, and fragile, and needy. And somehow it’s in that weak dependent state that God moves and does the miraculous in our lives.
And I want to be right here, amidst this miracle God is working, even if it means that I must exist in this state of dependance and constant desperation for Him.
For when I am weak, He is strong.
The days are passing, and with each new day that greets us, we have another yesterday that we have spent together. Day by day we are building a history for ourselves that started years later than it should have, and somehow exactly in God’s sovereign timing.
And I’ll never understand that until I reach eternity with my precious Father, but until then, I’ll trust Him.
Blessings!
Diane, I read this and am compelled because the very things you are sharing are things that are going through my heart and mind now, even before we have “begun”.
And all of those “did she know” questions… there was so much you didn’t know, yet those unknowns have created a deeper bond and a fierce love. If it’s possible, it drew out grace, mercy, compassion and so much more that we readers get to see, while you are looking in a glass darkly. It’s truly a miracle…these unknowns.
Thanks for letting us be a part. Thanks for preparing our hearts and for sowing precious seed.
Stacey recently posted..Lord, If You Are Willing
And by the way… you had me at EGADS! Talk about cracking someone up! I thought our family made up that word. I have never heard anyone else say it! =)
Stacey recently posted..Lord, If You Are Willing
God used a group of very ordinary men to do extraordinary things including sharing His love with others. He didn’t promise us a rose garden but that He would never leave or forsake. Continue to continue . You have our love and prayers .
Stay strong, Diane! God has chosen you to be where you are at this very moment…I am always amazed at what you all get accomplished when I am weary at the end of the day with my “one”!!!!!!!
Jillian recently posted..New Listings!
This is really encouraging, Diane, to see what the Lord is doing in your heart and life. I’m saving this one to read again later, after we bring our little one home. I suspect I will need this encouragement then, too!
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Molly recently posted..Pursuing Adoption