I always greet Mother’s Day with mixed emotions.
I imagine lovely Mother’s Day pictures of years past with my mother, aunt and grandmother smiling proudly and all of us daughters smiling sweetly in our neatly pressed dresses and shiny white shoes, the sun shining brightly into our tightly squinting eyes, and the lilac bushes blooming an exquisite shade of lavender behind us, emanating boundless beauty and perfection and the consummation of endless fertility.
It all looks like a Hallmark card.
And I see my failures.
I see myself today, a mother amidst eleven independent children. In my mind, my children don’t look so neat and tidy; they look rather disheveled and needy.
Aside. Andrew is missing from this photo. He was on a trip with friends.
Two are on the brink of manhood, foraging for a place in the world with nary a clue what that will be. Our oldest daughter is lovely and intelligent and precious, and longs desperately for her life to begin outside of our home.
Eliza is happy and thankful and filled with love for her family, and every time I look at her precious face, I see an endless longing and such a flagrant need staring back at me that I wonder how I can ever fill it.
Evangeline is waiting for a rather urgent surgery to fuse her spine on June 4th, which is necessary due to the drastic fall of her spine to a 117* curve that threatens to sever her cord and paralyze her at any moment. The surgery itself brings with it the same significant risk of paralysis only to a lesser degree. Yet she must have the surgery as the curve in her spine threatens to compromise her heart and lung function.
Colin is dreaming of a career in ballet that consumes his thoughts and most of his time.
Steven has become an amazing student, and is such a sweet brother to all of his siblings, especially his Chinese sisters, and shows quite a stubborn streak that can easily unravel his mother.
Sophia is nine. She’s welcomed her new sisters with a charm and grace beyond her years. And today, she got her first pair of pointe shoes.
David and Jonathan are growing like weeds. They’re still my littles. They’re sweet and warm and snuggle up to me every night and tell me I’m the best mommy in all the world.
And then there’s Livi who is quite reveling in her position as baby of the family.
Each and everyone blesses me in a special way, and yet I still find myself feeling as though I’m adrift in a vast sea of needs.
I can’t help but feel that behind the lovely Mother’s Day pictures that grace our pages and our blogs, our lives are messy. The children whine and quarrel, the laundry piles up, the needs weigh heavily on our weary shoulders, and mothers grow tired.
Yet it’s in the awareness that we cannot meet all of our children’s needs, in the realization of our need for God, that we find the greatest joy and the purest rest.
Our children do not need more than we can give.
They need a Savior.
They need mothers who will point them to Jesus.
If I succeed at nothing more than teaching my children of their need for God, then I will have considered my work as a mother a success.
There’s a lovely song by Rich Mullins that often reminds me of our responsibility to inspire in our children a realization of their need for God and His grace. I share it with you this Mother’s Day.
Aidan you’re young
But Aidan you’re growing fast
Me and your mom
And all the love we haveWe can only take you so far
As far as we can
But you’ll need something more to guide your heart
As you grow into a manLet mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There’ll be a drop of graceIf we can reach
Beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will saveThose who believe
Although their foolish hearts may break
They will find peace
And I’ll meet you in that place where mercy leadsAidan the day
Aidan the day will come
You’ll run the race
That takes us way beyondAll our trials and all our failures
And all the good we dream of
But you can’t see yet where it is you’re heading
But one day you’ll see the face of loveLet mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There’ll be a drop of graceIf we can reach
Beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will saveThose who believe
Although their foolish hearts may break
They will find peace
And I’ll meet you in that place where mercy leadsLet mercy lead
Let love be the strength in your legs
And in every footprint that you leave
There’ll be a drop of graceIf we can reach
Beyond the wisdom of this age
Into the foolishness of God
That foolishness will save
Wishing you all a happy messy Mother’s Day!
Blessings!
This made me cry, Diane.