To All of My Precious Children,
Time has such an insidious way of changing things.
Somehow as I reflect here in this crepuscule and obscure hamlet I’ve found myself in, my mind transcends time and space. It erases the years between, and all at once I hold each one of you in my arms, my infants and my bigger babies, warm and protected from the years that lay ahead for you and for all of us. It was easier then, my enveloping arms could heal all your hurts; your sweet snuggles could heal mine. I can still feel your sweet breath on my neck as you rested your weary heads on my shoulders. The world felt safer then too. Hope and dreams filled me of the mother I could be to all of you, and dreams of the wonderful things I wanted to teach you and to give you.
In what seems like only a moment, I find myself here at this place in my life where the path ahead is enshrouded in a deep haze. I can’t look down it and find my way. There is no map that shows me the curves and sharp turns that lay ahead for me, for us, only the faithful gentle calling of our Heavely Father, promising to lead me through and inviting me onward into the darkness, one tiny, faltering step at a time.
In His unfathomable love and mercy, He’s called me to walk through a valley I would never have chosen. Yet here I am on the brink of a journey I don’t want to walk. I find myself filled with things I want to tell you all, things I may have forgotten to say, things I want you to know deep down inside of you forever.
If having cancer has taught me anything so far, it’s reminded me of how fragile life really is. All any of us have is today. Time is more precious, moments more fleeting.
First, I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the times I wasn’t the mother you needed me to be. I’m sorry for the times I lost my patience and hurt your tender hearts in my feelings of desperation to get the work done or merely in my rushing to do the next thing, I’m sorry for the times I failed you in the secret places inside of you that only you know. I’m sorry for the birthday parties I didn’t have because another precious sibling was either on the way or had just arrived, or merely because I just couldn’t do one more thing. I’m sorry for the times I yelled when I should have stopped and gathered each one of you in my arms and prayed with you.
I pray you can move on from all of my failures and move into the adults God has called you to be. I pray you can forgive me and not allow my failures to hurt your adult lives.
I want you to know that not one of you was ever too many. I wanted every single one of you with all of my heart, and no matter how hard it gets some days, being your mother is still the one thing I want most in this world. I’m so very thankful that God blessed me with each one of you. You enrich my life and are God’s eternal blessings to me.
I’m thankful God blessed me with your father, with a man who was willing to trust God for what our family looked like. He gave me a gift that so many men aren’t able to give their wives. I want you to know that. I want you to know the gravity of that blessing he gave me.
I want you to know that your worth comes from God, not from anything you do. He created you and loves you with a perfect, flawless love. You are His treasure. He sent His Son to die for you, for each one of you. If there were no other people on earth, He would have come and laid down His life for you alone. He has planted seeds of greatness inside each one of you, and He will water and grow those seeds inside of you in His perfect timing.
Trust Him.
No one is better than you. And you’re not better than anyone else.
21 But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— 22 the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus… Romans 3:21-23
Don’t let pride enter your heart. You can’t make your own heart beat. Even your ability to believe comes from God. Understand that you are walking on a thin veil that separates you from evil, and know that it is God who keeps you standing. It is God who holds you up. It is God who sustains you and keeps your feet from slipping into the abyss beneath. At any moment if God withdrew His protection of you, you’d slip through that veil and be separated from God and His immeasurable love for you forever. It is God who’s given you life, and it’s He who protects you every day, and not only you who know God, but all of your friends as well. The Bible says the Lord causes the sun to rise on the just and the unjust. Spend your lives sharing Christ’s love with everyone you meet without exception.
40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matthew 25:40-45King James Version (KJV).
Nothing you ever do here on earth will ever matter as much as what you do for your Heavenly Father. Nothing. Nothing.
This world may seem like this is all there is, but it’s not. This world is temporal and all that it holds will fade away. Remember your life here is just a blip in the great expanse of eternity. There is a world carrying on just beyond the natural that is more real than anything this temporal world will ever be. Invest your treasure in the eternal world where you will be able to enjoy it forever.
19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: Matthew 6:19,20
Choose to honor God in every choice you make, and you will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.
And now, dear children, know that I love you, Every single one of you brings me the purest joy a mother can know. I’m so very proud of the people you have become and are becoming. I believe in you. I know you can do anything you set your mind to. Dream big dreams and believe that God is making a way where you can’t see one.
Know too, deep inside, that I love you and want for each one of you to fly strong and confident, with no thoughts of worry about me. God has me. I’ll make my life. Nothing will bring me greater joy than to watch you make yours.
I’ve pointed you to the sky, to God, now it’s time to fly off into all that He has for you. Don’t look back.
On Thursday, I’ll have my surgery and begin my battle with breast cancer. I have no reason to believe that it will go any way but good. Know that the God who made me is big enough to bring me through whatever darkness lies ahead for me. Trust Him to care for me. Rest in His eternal love for me and for you.
Don’t halt your journeys because I have a different path to walk than the one we thought.
Fly, sweet blessings. Fly into all that lies ahead for you and know that you are blessing me by doing so.
I love you so very, very much.
Love,
Mom
Diane, I am praying for you and will keep you in my thoughts as you start this difficult journey.
Thank you so much for your prayers. Thanks you for taking the time to comment and let me know you are praying. You bless me. ❤️
We all have mothers guilt and things we wish we could change , you are a blessing to those children. Even with our imperfections, they need you exactly as you are, need you exactly as you are made. They will forever feel your love. You have given them wings. You are loved. You are a loving wonderful mom :). And you will win this battle with your beautiful grace, e are all praying and cheering you on.
Thank you, Kelly! ❤️
This brought me to tears to read the richly raw reflections and repentance of a mother who appears to have earned the title “well done, good and faithful servant” and yet, like most of the rest of us mothers, is pin-pricked with all the woulda-coulda’s of raising kids. Knowing that you are in a stare-down with cancer makes your words resonate with the reality of what we all will face, in one form or another. And yet, somehow, the thing that is trying to threaten your life, ironically breathes even MORE life into your words. Keep writing them. Strangers like myself will treasure them. And pray mighty pounding-on-heaven’s-door prayers on your behalf as a result.
Ronna, thank you so much for taking the time to read my words and encourage me. Thank you for your prayers and your wisdom. You’ve blessed me. 💝
Sweet Diane, you are truly a blessing! Praying for you and your family.
You are precious in His sight!
Love, hugs and prayers ❤
Thank you so much, Brenda. Thank you for commenting here and for your prayers. I appreciate it so much! 💞
Diane
I pray for you each morning – for God’s grace to be sufficient for your needs that day and for His healing power to touch you and make you whole and well, if it be His will.
Your thoughts and words are an inspiration to so many and reflect the God of love in whom you trust and for whom you live. God bless and protect you this week.
Thank you, Janet, for your heartfelt comment and prayers for me. I appreciate it so very much.
God bless you.
💞
As I read this, I wept. I have incurable breast cancer. My life is my 4 children and my precious granddaughter. Thank God tears are toxins. I release a lot of them!!
Oh Sandra, I’m so sorry. Thank you for commenting. I believe where there is life there is hope. I will add you to my prayer list.
Please God, heal this precious mother. Lead her to healing options. Make the way clear to her and help her to believe that you can make a way when there seems to be no way at all.
In Jesus’ name I pray.
Thank you for commenting and for sharing your heart with me. I cry with you.
God bless you and please keep in touch.
❤️
Diane, you have so aptly put into words what my heart has been longing to say to my own three children. With your blessing, I would love to share this post. Know, and find peace in the knowledge, that you are shining God’s light even in the darkness that threatens to surrround you. I pray that God continues to bless you, your husband and your beautiful family. My treatment ended in February, but I know God continues to carry me each day just as He will you also. I will be earnestly praying for you as you have your surgery tomorrow. Lean on Him. Trust in Him. Feel His grace and mercy and strength and peace and love as He holds you.
In Christ’s Holy Name.
Much love,
Michelle
Dear Michelle, thank you so much for your encouraging words and prayers for us. I pray for you and your family as well.
Of course you can share this. I’d be honored. god bless you and thanks for commenting.
🌹
Diane, precious daughter of The King, I pray that God, who is the giver of every perfect gift, would choose healing for you on this side of Heaven. Praying for his mercy and compassion to follow you into surgery tomorrow and well beyond into a place of quick recovery and restored body. He is able!
Such a beautiful writing to your children! How hard it must be to worry about them but your faith is so solid. And what a blessing to know with such certainty that God holds them, and you! Be blessed and we’ll be waiting for post surgery news. (((HUGS))) and continued prayers.
Dear Anne, thank you so much for your prayers for me and for our family. Thank you for taking the time to comment and let me know that you’re praying with us. How blessed we are by you and God’s provision for us!
❤️