Little White Dress

While we were in China, Evangeline was quite the shopper. She found something she wanted at every store, and her new Mama and Baba were more than happy to oblige her. Whether it was a toy or an article of clothing, there was one thing we could be sure of: whatever she chose was always very girly and pink.

One of the times we were at Jusco in Guangzhou, I was in another section and Victoria came and found me. She said, “Mom, you need to come. Daddy needs your help. Evangeline has her eye on a very frilly white dress, and I think Daddy’s about to give in.”

Well, by the time I arrived at the scene, there was no chance we were leaving that dress in the store.

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The problem was, it was so fancy that it never seemed like the right time to wear it.

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She has asked me almost every day if she could wear that dress.

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I could just not tell her no another day. So today, she wore the dress.

She looked so pretty, I just had to take her picture and put it on my blog. 🙂

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Please pray for our precious Eliza. We have had a bit of a rough start. She is so sweet, and wants so desperately to be loved.

I want so desperately to love her.

And yet, we haven’t gotten it right yet.

I think I have been working too hard. We’ve had three doctor appointments in four days, and two sets of X-rays for Evangeline and our oldest son, Andrew. Mark went back to work on Monday, and while I know he had to go, I think that was a mistake. When we’ve been home, I’ve been working, preparing meals, folding clothes, bathing children, etc. And sweet Eliza has waited.

I have tried to include her, to keep her close, but she pulls away. She prefers to watch a movie or play a game on one of the children’s iPods, than to interact with me.

And in my busyness, I fear she has felt alone, alone in her new family.

Today she hit one of our little ones, and I had to tell her no and keep her close, but our relationship is so new and so fragile that she has pulled away even more.

I’m not sure why bonding with Eliza has been tough, and bonding with Evangeline so easy. I only know that I have to show her how much I love her. So, for the next couple weeks we have a new plan. I have discussed it with the kids so we’ll all be ready.

We are going to turn off ALL the video games, the hand held devices, and the television. We are going to eat easy things, and have fun. I’m going to try to stop working, and just spend time playing, simple board games, play dough, bead necklaces, and whatever else we can think of.

There’s a window in the early days when the newly adopted child’s heart is so ripe for bonding. The window is wide open now.

Please pray that our sweet girl will come to feel our love, and to know deep within her heart that she is not alone anymore.

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15 comments

  1. Shayna Burton says:

    Diane, Just want you to know, I’ve been following your story the last few months and have been praying for you and your family so much. My heart breaks for your beautiful new daughters. I will be praying for you as you bond with them. I know God has worked in your lives this far and He will continue to do so. I will be praying!!!

  2. Stacey says:

    I hope you don’t mind if I write my prayer for you…

    Lord, I humbly ask in the name of Jesus that you would be this sweet mother’s help in this time of need. Give her wisdom, knowledge and understanding as she ministers to these precious girls. Father, I thank you for Your Divine plan concerning Eliza and that her heart will be knit to each and every one of her family members, just as David’s heart was knit to Jonathans. Brothers by will. Lord you said that whatever we bind on earth will be bound in heaven and whatever we loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. I declare right now that every hinderance to Eliza’s progress is bound and that she is loosed into this family that you have given her. I say she is set free from trauma now in Jesus name! I declare that the truth that she is loved is setting her free even now. I declare that her mind, will and emotions are bound to Yours Father God. That her heart is bound to Your heart Lord, as well as your purposes and plans for her life. Thank you Lord for the peace that You give. Let is pass all understanding and guard their hearts and minds. Thanks be unto God who always gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! Amen.

    Luke 1:17

  3. Katrina says:

    I know NOTHING about all of this but your momma instincts seem to be kicking in and you have come up with wonderful ideas! We wish you beautiful days ahead!

  4. Pat says:

    We’ll keep praying. It always seems that when the adoption happens it’s the destination, but that’s not so. One goal has been met but it takes a long while for those bonds to grow. I think your ideas are good ones. Be realistic and know that it might take a while, but by God’s grace and in His timing you’ll get there. Don’t you find with birth children that it’s easier to bond with some than with others, too?

    I think you’re wise to put other things aside and just be a family right now. Try to make eye contact and smile- sometimes it’s the baby steps.

    Meanwhile, we’ll pray. God is faithful and this journey with Eliza has just begun. And fwiw, turning off games and hand helds is never a bad idea;-)
    Pat recently posted..My Path through PainMy Profile

  5. Gordon Garrett says:

    Please tell Evangeline I think she is a Very Beautiful Girl and the Dress is Awsome ! Prayers for Eliza and the whole family. Do you have anyone that can help with some translation so you can be sure the correct message gets through ? Or can the girls read Hanzi (characters) and you can use Bing Translator ? Just ideas. God Bless

  6. julia says:

    Beautiful dress. It’s funny becasue Emily is pink fru fru girl also. Another bond between the girls.
    As for Eliza. Caroline was telling me that it is a common practice for the older girls to hit the younger ones when they get out of line. She then began to tell me of a few times when she was hit pretty bad. My heart hurt.

    Eliza is really going to need patience and understand. I really believe you are just the person for this. Please don’t give up on her. I’m still praying at this end. HUGS HUGS HUGS

  7. Karen says:

    Emily loved seeing her friend in her new dress ! She likes pink and frilly things too ! It was so amazing for the girls to connect on Sunday. Emily shared that Evangeline was in a performance dance group with her. They got to wear fancy costumes and a little red dot of makeup on their foreheads. They would perform for visiting officials. I now feel that we have relatives in New Jersey BTW !
    I am continuing to pray for Eliza. I know that for my friend, she spent six weeks every day with just her new daughter while her other children were in school. Is there some sort of activity your other kids could attend for a few hours each day so that you have some one on one with her ?

  8. Penny says:

    You are so sensitive to her! I’m wondering, is there some special talent or gift she has that she could use that would make her feel that she has a role to play and that she has a special place? Something that would help her to feel that she is contributing, or that she is somehow a special help to you?

  9. nancy jackson says:

    so great to read your blog! It brings tears of joy to hear how the girls are adjusting. Our little Suri is adjusting well in her new home. So glad we were able to meet you all in China and spend at least a little bit of time getting to know you. Blessings to you all!

  10. Gordon Garrett says:

    10/9 well looks like midnight now. So it is 10/10. Reading your new blog about Evangeline’s foot. It is in the Hands of the Lord. And Prayers are being said for her. Under the blog, was posted a link for “The Little White Dress”. I read this before and enjoyed it so much I wanted to read it again. In her life, in an orphanage, such a dress did not exsist. Never did, Never would. Something she knew Very Well. I think the dress helped to prove to her that She Was Out of the Orphanage ! She has a Fancy Dress to prove it ! I am So Glad that her New Baba got it for her ! Praise the Lord. and God Bless Y’all. .

  11. Bobbi Fixler says:

    Diane, I’ve read so many of your blogs and I just wanted to let you know how much they’ve touched my heart. You and your family are amazing, and so filled with love! It’s been such a pleasure to watch this journey of life as you bring your two new daughters into your family and your hearts! <3

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