As far back as I can remember, I have been a writer. I wrote through my adolescent years of loneliness and illness. I wrote through the years of college and graduate school as I dealt with re-entry into the world of health and wholeness with a compromised body, and then through the years of my career in psychology and behavior modification in an institutional setting. I wrote through the long and lonely years of living as a single adult and longing for companionship, and I have written throughout my years of marriage and motherhood.
When I began to feel called to adopt, I knew that I was called to chronicle our journey, to share the realities of older child adoption with wisdom and clarity.
There is fear in the unknown. Throughout our wait to bring home our girls, I longed for honesty. I longed to know specifically what families who adopt older children face. I wanted to read about the hardships and how the families worked through those struggles. I wanted to understand, and I wanted a sort of camaraderie for the journey.
I never found much information, only disgruntled groups that wrote of disruption and brokenness. There is a trend in the blogging community to only write about the good, and those who struggle often disappear from the blog world.
I was not afraid of hard work or struggles; it was the unknown that concerned me in the early days of our journey. So much of life is plowing through the day to day issues that we face, with a gentle resolve to do so with grace and faithfulness to the One who calls us. It is in the difficulties that we grow and come to know God in a better way.
It is my desire to be transparent about the issues we face as a family, as we transition from a traditional big family to a blended one, for one reason only, to bring glory to our Heavenly Father. It is He who placed these girls in our family. It is He who grew our family, and each member is here for a purpose.
It is my desire to be faithful to God as we walk through the days of blending and bonding. Many of you are adopting older children as well, and the issues you encounter may be completely different, but there is a commonality to the human condition and the difficulties we face, and we can benefit from the wisdom and experience of others.
If I can unveil the reality and stigma of older child adoptions, and thereby encourage some of you to move beyond your fears to consider adopting an older child, then my transparency will have been overwhelmingly worthwhile. There is a need for established families to consider adopting older children. As Christians, we should not shy away form hard work, but rather seek it.
As long as it is day, we must do the work of Him who sent me. Night is coming when no one can work. ~John 9:4
We cannot bear another’s burdens with out carrying the weight in our lives, with out making our own lives harder. Yet we are called to nothing less.
2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
~Galatians 6:3
The irony is that we can never know true rest for our souls unless we deliberately choose to be yoked with Christ in His work.
28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” ~Matthew 11:28-30
It is in this spirit that I share our journey with you.
In an effort to keep this post from becoming too long, I’ll share about the last couple days tonight.
May God bless you as you seek His work for your lives.
Transparency is a good thing, most of the time anyway. I have been so careful with our “journey” for fear of the later repercussions my girls might face, having “their” story out in the public for all to see.
Definitely nothing wrong with sharing your hurt and heart right now, though. I’ve loved you through it! I hurt and love right along with you! 🙂
Selina Bergey recently posted..Parenting with Grace, Part 1
I know. I feel the need to be cautious too.
You have been a blessing for so many through your ability to share through writing. Don’t stop but be careful too. I agree with Selina. I have had concern for the privacy of my daughter’s and then sometimes I forget. Their story is also their own especially in older adoptions. You will find times of grief and loss in not being there for their earlier years as your relationship grows. It will hit you every so often and it is painful. In the beginning days I did not want to hear anything of struggle. My faith was going to be bigger and my God stronger. My girls were going to find their identity in Christ only and I dismissed most fear. Now, I still dismiss most fear but have a better idea of what this journey of adoption is like in reality. All of what I believed is still there but it has changed slightly. God is good and it is what he teaches us through the tough times too that makes every single moment very valuable. He is LOVE. I’m putting on more and more of HIM as he teaches me through the girls. Learning to love more by loving them inspite of all the unloveable moments too. Not sure that makes sense but I’m not a gifted writer. LOL It is a joy to serve Him through being a mom in the good and the bad. Blessings to you and your precious family.
Yes, it does make sense! Thanks for sharing your wisdom!
I look forward to reading along with everyone else this journey your amazing family is on. Thankyou for trusting us with this level on Honesty.
Roberta recently posted..Hello!
Thank you, Roberta, for following along! 🙂
I really like reading your posts ! Your writing shows both the reality and also the love and respect you have for your newest family members.