Voices In My Head

My sister posted this photo on her wall today, and I thought that’s it. That’s exactly it. 

There are so many voices within me that won’t be silenced tonight.

I can’t do what most of America believes is exactly what I should do.

The Dr’s office called and scheduled my surgery tentatively for June 26, but in my mind every voice is telling me not to do it. 

And I can’t silence the voices. 

So I’m going to give them this blank page to speak their mind. Perhaps then I will be able to go to sleep.

I don’t agree with the approach traditional medicine takes toward healing people with cancer. I think it’s terribly harsh and toxic and unnecessary and cruel. I think patients have a better chance of surviving cancer than they do the drastic surgeries and poisonous drugs that are used to treat the disease itself. I don’t blame the doctors. I believe they honestly believe they’re offering their patients the best possible options. 

I do. 

The thing is I find myself here at this point in my life having arrived via a different path than all the educated doctors and pharmaceutical companies. I’ve come upon this place of illness after thirty years of health and nine biological children and after many early years of doing exactly what the top doctors in the field told me to yet having found all that they had to offer me wanting and inadequate. In fact, after I had followed every piece of advice they had given down to the minutest detail, they came to me at my very lowest and told me they had nothing else they could do for me. They were at a loss. All the years of steroids and chemotherapy had in fact not helped me but had left me so bereft of nutrients and any immune function at all that I could not function. I was so severly hypoglycemic that I fainted constantly and my adrenals were completely depleted of any ability to make adrenaline. 

Yet the disease raged on within me. 

My parents, who were at a complete and utter loss as well, ended up taking me to a biochemist in Princeton who began building up my system naturally with diet and nutritional supplements, some form of injectable adrenaline and electrical stimulation of my adrenal glands to get them going again after the years of steroids, and within two weeks I noticed marked improvement. Eventually my biochemist was able to wean me from the steroids, and the disease has remained in remission for most of my adult life. 

I went on to have nine children I wasn’t ever supposed to have. 

Heck, I wasn’t even supposed to be alive. 

So forgive me please for not seeing a bitalteral mastectomy with aggressive chemo and herceptin as a great way to heal my body of cancer. I have cancer because there is an unhealhty biological imbalance in my system, not because of some horrible hand of cards I’ve been dealt. And I can’t see how any of the offered treatments will support my body in healing my immune system and ridding myself of cancer. 

All I can see is that, IF, and that’s a big if, I am able to survive the chemo at all, I will have a chance at life and have to spend tons of money to rebuild my already fragile constitution from the damage these “wonderful” poisons have caused.

So, no, I don’t see all that the doctors are offering me as a good option at all.

I’d like to do something far more gentle and natural, that would support my body in ridding myself of the cancer cells on its own, but every time I even talk about doing something alternative, people look at me like I have three heads and insinuate that since I have a family that needs me, I absolutely must drink the poison and that I’m being selfish and refusing to fight for my life. 

I’m not proposing doing nothing.  I haven’t lived all these healthy years after a very serious and intense childhood wracked with dermatomyositis by doing nothing. I’ve lived this incredible life because I found a better way to heal my body than the toxic drugs that wreaked havoc within me. 

So, no, I don’t want to have a bilateral mastectomy when I know that if I don’t fix the chemistry of my body, the very reason that I have the cancer in the first place, the cancer will only return at some later date in some other form. 

And I certainly don’t want to weaken my body with poisonous drugs that are making the pharmaceutical companies vertually trillions of dollars a year at the cost of vulnerable people who are rushing headlong into treatments that are horrendous for them because they think they’re going to get well. 

I pray they do get well and stay well in spite of the toxic treatments offered to cancer patients today. 

But I really don’t want to drink the Kool-aid. 

Blessings All, 

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  1. Diane O'Neal says:

    I hear you, I understand, I agree, but you understand by His hand of mercy, even greater than I.
    Praying for God’s continued wisdom and a praise report available by God’s grace from obedience to His detectives!! ❤️❤️❤️‼️👍🏻

  2. Rp says:

    In my prayers, I don’t have cancer but I wrestle with traditional medicine since my mom got sick. They put her on medication and she got sicker. We took her off all meds and she stabilized. Also the side effects were awful. What I know now, we would have done a more natural alternative. Diet is so important too. Praying for wisdom in your case. I believe in medicine but not all of them. 🙏🏿

  3. Jeanine says:

    I have often wondered if I would feel exactly the same as you if I were in your shoes. I pray God will make your path to restoration crystal clear so that you can walk forward in peace, no matter what that path involves.
    Jeanine recently posted..Waiting WellMy Profile

    • Diane says:

      Thank you, Jeanine. The way is becoming clear and I’ll share it as I can. Blessings to you and thanks for commenting. 💞

  4. Nicole Hansen says:

    Ohh Diane, such a tough choice. I’m sorry you are in this boat of trying to discern the best way to handle this. We’re praying for wisdom for you….

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