To All of My Precious Children,
Time has such an insidious way of changing things.
Somehow as I reflect here in this crepuscule obscure hamlet I’ve found myself in, my mind transcends time and space. It erases the years between, and all at once I hold each one of you in my arms, my infants and my bigger babies, warm and protected from the years that lay ahead for you and for all of us. It was easier then, My enveloping arms could heal all your hurts; your sweet snuggles could heal mine. I can feel your sweet breath on my neck as you rested your weary heads on my shoulders. The world felt safer then too. Hope and dreams filled me of the mother I could be to all of you, and dreams of the wonderful things I wanted to teach you and to give you.
In what seems like only a moment, I find myself here at this place in my life where the path ahead is enshrouded in a deep haze. I can’t look down it and find my way. There is no map that shows me the curves and sharp turns that lay ahead for me, for us, only the faithful gentle calling of our Heavely Father, promising to lead me through and inviting me onward into the darkness, one tiny, faltering step at a time.
In His unfathomable love and mercy, He’s called me to walk through a valley I would never have chosen. Yet here I am on the brink of a journey I don’t want to walk. I find myself filled with things I want to tell you all, things I may have forgotten to say, things I want you to know deep down inside of you forever.
First, I want to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the times I wasn’t the mother you needed me to be. I’m sorry for the times I lost my patience and hurt your tender hearts in my feelings of desperation to get the work done or merely in my rushing to do the next thing, I’m sorry for the times I failed you in the secret places inside of you that only you know. I’m sorry for the birthday parties I didn’t have because another precious sibling was either on the way or had just arrived, or merely because I just couldn’t do one more thing. I’m sorry for the times I yelled when I should have stopped and gathered each one of you in my arms and prayed with you.
I want you to know that not one of you was ever too many. I wanted every single one of you with all of my heart, and no matter how hard it gets some days, being your mother is still the one thing I want most in this world. I’m so very thankful that God blessed me with each one of you. You enrich my life and are God’s eternal blessings to me.
I’m thankful God blessed me with your father, with a man who was willing to trust God for what our family looked like. He gave me a gift that so many men aren’t able to give their wives. I want you to know that. I want you to know the gravity of that blessing he gave me.
I want you to know that your worth comes from God, not from anything you do. He created you and loves you with a perfect, flawless love. You are His treasure. He sent His Son to die for you, for each one of you. If there were no other people on earth, He would have come and laid down His life for you alone. He has planted seeds of greatness inside each one of you, and He will water and grow those seeds inside of you in His perfect timing.
No one is better than you. And you’re not better than anyone else.
21 But now the righteousness of God has been manifested apart from the law, although the Law and the Prophets bear witness to it— 22 the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all who believe. For there is no distinction: 23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus… Romans 3:21-23
Don’t let pride enter your heart. You can’t make your own heart beat. Even your ability to believe comes from God. Imagine you are walking on a thin veil that separates you from evil and God, with angels holding you every step of the way. At any moment if God withdrew His protection of you, you’d slip through that veil and be separated from God and His immeasurable love for you forever. It’s God who’s given you life, and it’s He who protects you every day, and not only you who know God, but all of your friends as well. The Bible says the Lord causes the sun to rise on the just and the unjust. Spend your lives sharing Christ’s love with everyone you meet without exception.
40 And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me. Matthew 25:40-45King James Version (KJV).
This world may seem like this is all there is, but it’s not. This world is temporal and all that it holds will fade away. Remember your life here is just a blip in the great expanse of eternity. There is a world carrying on just beyond the natural that is more real than anything this temporal world will ever be. Invest your treasure in the eternal world where you will be able to enjoy it forever.
19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: 20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: Matthew 6:19,20
Choose to honor God in every choice you make, and you will be blessed beyond your wildest dreams.
And now, dear children, know that I love you, Every single one of you brings me the purest joy a mother can know. I’m so very proud of the people you have become and are becoming. I believe in you. I know you can do anything you set your mind to. Dream big dreams and believe that God is making a way where you can’t see one.
And know, deep inside, that I love you and want for each one of you to fly strong and confident, with no thoughts of worry about me. God has me. I’ll make my life. Nothing will bring me greater joy than to watch you make yours.
I’ve pointed you to the sky, to God, now it’s time to fly off into all that He has for you. Don’t look back.
On Thursday, I’ll have my surgery and begin my battle with breast cancer. I have no reason to believe that it will go anyway but good. Know that the God who made me is big enough to bring me through whatever darkness lies ahead for me. Trust Him to care for me. Rest in His eternal love for me and for you.
Don’t halt your journeys because I have a different path to walk than the one we thought.
Fly, sweet blessings. Fly into all that lies ahead for you and know that you are blessing me by doing so.